The secret to creating a transformed relationship lies in being willing to be the Life Force within which the relationship exists, to give up being merely your position within the relationship.
So much for the description of special relationships that do not work, for now I would like to invite you into the enlightened, contextual way of holding your relationships which yields joy and satisfaction. To reach this you have to give up the idea that you are an individual in a relationship and be willing to experience yourself as the relationship and your individuality as a mere position within the relationship. This takes you out of the position / opposition bind and the price you pay is that you do not get to be right in your many opinions and judgements. When an issue comes up for resolution you are no longer stuck with defending your position but rather you are free to look and see what the position or viewpoint of the relationship is, that is what works in the relationship rather than what makes you right and the other person wrong. I call this process surrendering into the relationship. When you surrender you simply give up and say something to the effect of "I trust this relationship completely, so let it tell me what to do and I will do it." Surrender means giving up your fear that you will not survive and the general distrust that fear engenders. This brings you close to the experience of being the context of the relationship which is the next experience after experiencing yourself as the relationship. As you surrender into the relationship you realize that you are the Life Force in which the relationship exists. When you make this fundamental shift in your experience from individuality through relationship to the Life Force in which individuality and relationship exist, you become the context, not only of your relationship with this person, but also the context of that personís relationship with all others. You achieve this by giving permission and blessing the other personís relationships so that whatever joy is experienced within those relationships is experienced by you as your own joy. Obviously jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a transformed relationship unless you hold it in a way that validates and contributes to the relationship.
Notice that I did not say that there is not a place for jealousy and possessiveness in a transformed relationship. Mind is a simple machine. By the time an experience, such as jealousy, occurs, it is too late for you to do anything about it. Since we live in continuous successive moments of now, if you have jealousy, then jealousy is what you have. Your only choice, which is the only choice you ever have anyway, is the way in which you hold your jealousy. In the simple machine called Mind there are only three possible ways of holding jealousy: (1) it is terrible, (2) " I do not care," and (3) it is wonderful. I suggest to you that you do have a choice and I further suggest to you that the choice that works is that it is wonderful. You can make up your own reasons why it is wonderful and your reasons do not really count anyway, even though they appear to support whatever choice you make. Fundamentally you choose one of the three choices by magical consideration; it is wonderful if you say so and it is not if you say it is not. So you can see that when you choose it to be wonderful when you are jealous and you have a lot of jealousy, you have a lot of wonderfulness in the relationship. Of course telling you these things activates your fears of loss and non-survival. It reactivates all the Mind garbage that supports jealousy as appropriate. It also reactivates the reasons why people should be "true" (entrapped) to one another.
If you and I are in a relationship and I become the context in which your other relationships occur how would I ever lose you? Chance are you would want to stay with me forever, but if you did not, where in this universe would you be able to go that would be far enough away for me not to love you or for you not to love me? I can only experience grief in our relationship to the extent that I think I own you or have some right to determine the course of your life, that is to the extent that I am attached to the form of our relationship. If I am willing to be complete in my relationship with you, which is the same as being complete within myself, I can give you up in the present form of our relationship and love whatever form appears next, even if you move thousands of miles away and live with another person. If you become interested in someone else while you are with me, you can count on me to derive great satisfaction and joy from that; in fact, the satisfaction and joy you ordinarily think of as "yours" is also mine since I am the Life Force in which your life occurs. I am actually entitled to say "I love you," not as a position of attachment and need or to prove how great I am, but simply as a statement of the truth. I love you.
TOPBook Four, Chapter Five
A world that works for everyone, a you and me world- the creation of such a world is our common purpose yours and mine.
Contrasting the power-generating relationship is the relationship which is secure and safe. Often human beings are so completely dominated by the prevailing condition in the world which says that no one matters, no oneís life make a difference, or can make a difference, and instead, choose a relationship which is safe and secure.
The ego fears death. In the face of the fact that in life, only death is certain, people choose to fear the inevitable. If that is not stupid, there is no stupid. Nevertheless, people fear death. Out of the fear of dying, people worry about how close to not surviving they are now and set up conditions to place themselves as far away from the end of the imaginary life/death scale as possible. Relationships are therefore chosen and managed in a way to recreate the experience of childhood- of being taken care of, in an emotional and/or financial way, which makes it possible for time to stand still- for the spector of not being here, of dying, to disappear. Tragically, your profound desire to make a difference in life, for it to matter that you lived, becomes subservient to your fear of not being alive. You spend your life looking for a place to re-attach your umbilical cord.
To spell out the uncomfortable truth, that which we sell out for is contained in the following sequence of nouns: money, cars, homes, furniture, friends, clothes, warm bodies, food, prestige, ability to dominate others, good looks, and you could add to this very long list. If you will notice, each and every one of the things on the list, you think, contributes to surviving a little better or longer before dying. You will have to look at that to see it because we almost never confront the truth about that which motivates us in life. This motivates you. These things are your motivations. Whether you like it or you do not like it, your desire for these things literally moves you from place to place in life. They dictate with whom you spend time, how you spend that time, even what you talk about. You are completely dominated by this and to the degree that you think you are not, your condition is hopeless. If you think you are not run by this stuff, your life will not make any difference in your own experience. Your energy will be consumed proving you are "good." You cannot afford to lie about this- your life is run by survival/fear mechanisms, unless of course, it is not. But it is. I donít mean to imply that you canít transcend survival/fear mechanisms. I simply want you to be clear that you have them.
This then, the fear of death, is the origin of a you or me world a world in which, for me to make it some "you" out there has to not make it; a world in which the myth of human suffering is taken for granted; a world in which one must win by making someone else lose.
At the level of relationships then, a you or me world is an us or them world. The "us" consists of two or more people banded together against the world. A tight imaginary line is drawn around "us," and "them" must not be allowed inside the circle. No matter who they are, they must not be allowed inside in any real sense of that word.
Accepting these assumptions; scarcity of wealth (in the broad sense of that word) and the inevitability of human suffering, and the formation of exclusive, excluding, closed relationships is the ultimate "sell-out." That which is "sold" is aliveness in the potential of relationships. What you receive In return is a sense of security you are safe (but not really) in a hostile world and all you have to give up is being alive. You can die into your exclusivity and forget Who You Are because you forget Who Others Are.
Viewing this phenomenon from inside the phenomenon one cannot see any other reality. Wealth is scarce, people must suffer, someone has to lose. Even when you can see the truth of the condition of the world, you cannot see how it could be any other way. If it were obvious there would be no need for this book.
The remainder of this book, therefore, will be to allow you to discover your power to make a difference in a you or me, us or them world and your power to transform and participate in the transformation of this you or me world into a you and me, us and them world. I do not have your answers, but I have been with you long enough to know that You do. What I have is the ability to allow you to discover your Self, wherein all answers lie.
A world that works for everyone, a you and me world-the creation of such a world is our common purpose-yours and mine. And common purpose is the essence of powerful relationships, for commonality of purpose in relationship is what love is.
TOPBook Six, Chapter Two
First, state the idea, then live your life consistent with your statement by communicating to others and by taking action.
Apparently all is hopeless. Apparently anything any of us ever do ultimately gets lost in the morass of everything everyone does and it all averages out to nothing. Apparently we are all molecules in a cup of water, moving randomly and canceling each other out so that no one of us can make any difference. No one can get outside the cup. In such conditions the wise thing to do is to stop moving, or at least move randomly and without purpose and this is what most of us are doing about most things in our world. Even great leaders who think they make a difference seem to be canceled out by other great leaders who think they should make a difference in the opposite direction. This is the condition of human life and it should be, given that we are dust and we return to dust. Since we end where we begin, everything should cancel out.
All of this is true and it does not dictate to us how we shall play the game while we are alive. At the base of every human heart resides the profound desire for an end to human suffering. There are people reading this book right now who wish it were true that hunger could end and they know that it cannot, I mean they know it. So, the question becomes "how does one cause the end of hunger?" As it turns out many human problems of the past which were thought to be inevitable, have turned out to be solvable, but only when the solution became an idea whose time had come. The end of small pox, for example, occurred 200 years after the means, that is the vaccine, to end it was developed. Small pox existed in the framework of inevitability until around 1950 when the end of small pox became an idea whose time had come. Everyone knew that placing a man on the moon was impossible in our lifetimes, until the idea's time came in the 1960s. Many of you who read this now take space flight for granted, but there was a time when the attitude was " If God had meant for man to be on the moon, he would have put us there." It was as impossible as the end of hunger seems today.
How then does one make an idea's time come? If we could make the end of hunger an idea whose time has come, then the beginning of the end of hunger could be said to exist. So, how does one make an idea's time come? The answer is so disarmingly simple, I am embarrassed tell you. You make an idea's time come by saying, for example, "The end of hunger and starvation is an idea whose time has come." Then you live your life consistent with the truth you have stated. John Kennedy stated in the early 1960s," There will be a man on the moon by the end of the decade." People disagreed about whether it could be done, about whether it should be done, about the means to do it, and so on. Even in the face of opposition, in fact empowered by the opposition, there was a man on the moon before the end of the decade.
So, an ideaís time comes when you say so and live consistent with your statement. If there is a secret to making things happen in life this is it. All ideas have opposition, therefore there will be opposition to the idea of ending hunger. Some will think it can not be done. Others will think it should not be done. Many will think that if it is to be done, God will do it. How can all these positions contribute to ending hunger?
To answer this question, we must remember that at the base of every human heart is a profound desire for the end of needless human suffering. Regardless of what people believe about whether or not it can be done, should be done, even within those who see it as "right" that some people suffer and starve, there is a profound desire to see an end to human suffering. Even the vengeance in the heart of a criminal is resting upon this desire. Manís inhumanity to man does not spring out of human nature, but rather out of misinformation. Our beliefs in scarcity and inevitability subvert and prevent the expression of our nature.
Therefore, when you realize this, you realize it by examining your own heart, the heart of a human being. If you knew that hunger was not inevitable, that there is no scarcity, that overpopulation does not account for starvation, that your lot would not be diminished, but greatly increased by creating the end of hunger, and you knew as a certain fact that it could be done, you would act and you would act now, on behalf of human beings. You would also know that other human beings would act, given the facts, and you would be certain of the outcome. Clearly then, what is missing are the facts. Given the facts you can count on people to take effective action. It may not be the action you agree with, the action you would take, and it may even be action that looks counterproductive. Nevertheless, action taken in knowledge of the facts this book will present to you, will be effective.
You then, when you know these things, are a vessel which contains the beginning of the end of world hunger. By communicating these facts to others you create further vessels wherein is contained the end of hunger, each vessel complete in the way a hologram is complete. If you take a holographic plate and break it into many pieces, each piece still contains the original image in its entirety. You are the end of hunger and this book contains the information which will allow you to make a difference, as an individual.
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